A Different Kind of No: Trust, Welcome, and the RIC Journey

Written By Brianna Iverson

When I read your request for stories of welcome, my mind immediately went to the many invitations I’ve extended over the roughly 10 years at Peace Lutheran Church. I have invited more than a few friends to worship with me during that time. The answers covered the whole spectrum. Some said yes and actually came. Some said yes and never followed through. Some said no politely. And some said no with a firmness that felt like it carried years of history behind it.

When our congregation entered the discernment process about partnering with ReconcilingWorks and becoming a Reconciling in Christ (RIC) community, I found myself thinking about those invitations. I realized that for some of my friends, especially my LGBTQ+ friends, my welcome had never been the real question. The question was whether the church itself would welcome them.

So I went back to the people who had declined over the years and asked what they thought about our congregation considering becoming RIC. I wanted honest answers. One friend in particular stands out. He is gay, and every time I had invited him before, his answer had been no. Church was not a place he trusted. When I told him about our discernment and asked what he thought, he said something that has stayed with me ever since.

He didn’t suddenly say yes. He didn’t promise to attend. His answer was still no but it was a different kind of no. He said, “I’m still not interested in going to church. But if I ever decide to check a place out, I will come to you first.”

It was the best and most memorable no I have ever received. What changed was not his theology or his church hurt or his hesitation. What changed was the removal of a barrier. Before, his “no” felt as if it carried something unspoken: “No, because I don’t know if I’m safe there.”

After our congregation aligned with ReconcilingWorks, that barrier was gone. The question of welcome was no longer ambiguous. It was declared. Becoming RIC did not instantly fill our pews with new faces. But it did something quieter and, in many ways, more profound. It gave credibility to our invitations. It allowed us to say, with integrity, that Peace’s welcome matched our words. It shifted conversations from defensiveness to possibility.

That single sentence of “If I ever decide to check a place out, I will come to you first” told me that welcome is not measured only by who walks through the door. Sometimes it is measured by who knows they could.

For me, that is what being RIC has meant. It has meant persistence paired with clarity. It has meant that when I extend an invitation, I am not asking someone to take a risk alone. The church has already taken a stand. And sometimes, the most powerful story of welcome is the one where trust begins even if attendance has not yet followed.

— A member of Peace Lutheran Church, Tomah

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Brianna Iverson
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